The American government last night announced that they would be paying off the debts of any future bank to declare bankruptcy using goods and services, as it has run out of money.

A red-faced spokesman for the Treasury admitted that the Bank of America, which on Tuesday released a statement claiming that they were on the verge of collapse, could not be bailed out using money, and offered thirty five million tons of frozen shrimp in lieu of US dollars. “I appreciate that this is somewhat unorthodox,” he told a packed press conference, “but we were unable to stockpile enough steak to meet a financial commitment ...
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In the first ever case of this trusted news network ever giving a piece of incorrect information, it has now emerged that the Bigfoot body, reported by Nuckpang in a recent press conference as being "definitely 100% genuine and real, no doubt about it whatsoever", was in fact a hoax.

The hoax was discovered when the ice-bound "body" was handed over to the "Searching for Bigfoot" group, a company dedicated to finding Bigfoot, for an undisclosed amount of money. As the body thawed and hair samples became exposed they were tested by those present, but suspicions were aroused when the hair was applied to flame and ...
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While in China the various races of the Olympics play themselves out, on opposite sides of the world a race of a different kind is unfolding, as two probably separate species of great ape rush to be discovered.

The first break came in the United States of America when two hikers, Mathew Whitton and Rick Dyer, in the mountains of Georgia found the body of what they claim to be a deceased Bigfoot, or Sasquatch. This creature, often thought to be nothing more than myth or hoax, now seems certain to exist. More fascinating still is that the hikers observed several other living bigfoot in ...
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A school district in Texas will allow its teachers to bring guns into the classroom in what seems to be the first law of its kind. On the 15th of August it was unamiously decided to pass the motion by the board of Harrold Independant School District, and as of yet there have been no objections from parents of the 110 students affected.

The District Superintendent, David Thweatt, said it was merely a safety precaution. "We have a lock-down situation, we have cameras, but the question we had to answer is [sic] 'What if someone gets in? What are we going to do? It's just common ...
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A 32 square mile area of Los Angeles has been marked as a no-go area for fast food restaurants in a newly proposed plan which would see the first ever restrictions put specifically on fast food eateries. The area affected by the plan has an abnormally high obesity rate for Los Angeles, and for America as a whole, and this push is aimed at opening a new class of healthier restaurants in the area. The new law, coming into effect later this week, will put a ban on the opening of any new fast food restaurants in the area.

While this has been hailed by politicians ...
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A wise man once said "Don't judge a book by its cover". I have no idea who said it, but if he's reading this, he's probably not going to like this review, because that is exactly what I'm about to do.

There's a book which has been sitting in my room for the past couple of months called "The Wizard Knight", and it's been calling me to read it for some time now. My little brother bought it second hand from a bin somewhere in England for the princely sum of seven pounds (shockingly my German keyboard doesn't have a symbol for the ...

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Well wow, this has been quite the little roller coaster for the Wet Towels. Not even a week ago we were playing around with the idea of getting some space on the internet as a base for our many shenanigans. We looked around, and got a little niche on awardspace, one of those lovely places that give you free webspace and candy apples. The next day was spent busily chatting to beautiful women around the world, while Jiggs made the website, before it got to the stage where he began to shoot fire from his eyes and threaten to devour the multiverse if he didn't ...

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