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News
THURSDAY, OCTOBER 16, 2008
Wet Towels News Bulletin: America Forced to Change Currency
The American government last night announced that they would be paying off the debts of any future bank to declare bankruptcy using goods and services, as it has run out of money.
A red-faced spokesman for the Treasury admitted that the Bank of America, which on Tuesday released a statement claiming that they were on the verge of collapse, could not be bailed out using money, and offered thirty five million tons of frozen shrimp in lieu of US dollars. “I appreciate that this is somewhat unorthodox,” he told a packed press conference, “but we were unable to stockpile enough steak to meet a financial commitment of this magnitude.” The spokesman went on to say that they hoped to avoid using seafood in future financial transactions, and would hopefully be able to rely on the more stable currencies of ham, pork and vouchers for free tours of the White House for the foreseeable future. “We hope to avoid having to pawn our national monuments, but we are in talks with France and should the need arise, they are willing to forward us several billion dollars for Mount Rushmore and the Statue of Liberty, with the possibility of buying the Grand Canyon if they can find a space for it.”
Wet Towels News Bulletin: America Forced to Change Currency
